Where do I even start?!?!?!?!

First of all I feel I have to apologise for not writing in so long.. It was not intentional but like you all I have been trying to find some sense in all this crazy!

In the first lockdown I embraced the opportunity to be home, to stop for a little while and while I was working from home with the kids "homeschooling" I appreciated the experience, aided by the fact that we were blessed with glorious sunshine which made the experience that much better.. Sitting in the garden, soaking up the moments as they came and relishing in the extra time I had been given with my family. I threw myself into various virtual challenges and did weight training in my lunchtimes with Jo and some others who were grabbing every chance they could to get some extra movement into their day.

With my hopes and dreams still focussed on the glory that was to be the finish line of Ironman Austria... Lockdown didn't touch me! I was focussed and driven, sure that this would all just blow over and we would all be back to our lives with a quaint anecdote to tell our Grand-children when they were old enough to understand that we lived through a small part of history and came out the other end...

But.. slowly but surely things were cancelled in quick succession.. The date for Ironman was moved from July to September, small setback but it was still happening. We were assured that Ironman would contact us no later than 55 days before the event if it were to be cancelled.. That date came and went, and so I felt assured that all this training would be finally put to good use... But it was not meant to be and ultimately it was cancelled.. My world felt as though it came crashing down around me and though I know it may sound melodramatic to some it felt as though I was mourning the death of someone I knew, My dream, my focus, my coping mechanism for all that had been happening around me this year.. gone with a single email. I was devastated.

Once I managed to adjust and wrap my head around the disappointment I felt, I was grateful to have had the opportunity to still take part in a real life event, The event was the Cotswolds 113 middle distance triathlon in Sept, on the same day that Austria was meant to take place. I had been lucky enough to have spent hours upon hours open water swimming in the Quays at Mytchett, which meant that I felt strong on the swim but when I looked at my watch and saw that my time was longer than I had expected, it completely threw my confidence and this transferred into the first part of the bike leg. It was windy on the bike and it felt hard because mentally I was just not into it, but once I found my stride I was off...the run was in blistering 22 degree blazing hot sunshine and that was a challenge, as the event had to be Covid friendly there was only 1 water stop at the end of the 6km loop, I was grateful that I had wore my hydration vest, but the heat zapped me.. Despite this I still managed a 19 minute PB, and I was over the moon..

All of this now feels like it was a million years ago, We have just celebrated a very unorthodox Christmas. For me it didn't feel like Christmas, I know I am not alone... I think this is because I am still working from home, I rarely get to leave my house and so the fact that we are off and at home for Christmas seems to have lost a bit of its sparkle this year. I am grateful that this has not impacted the kids and they have said that they have had the best Christmas.. for this I am glad and am in awe and a bit jealous of my children's resilience..

Things are hard right now, and they continue to develop daily.. so much uncertainty and unknown variables are still facing us. I for one am trying to find a purpose for this time, I have signed up to do a yoga session daily in January as I know that this has previously helped me to feel grounded. I am finding my mojo back for training, as this has definatley been lacking in the past few months. There is a very good chance with the current rise in infections here in the UK that next year may be as tumultuous as this year has been, so I am going to take each day as it comes, I am going to try and be kind to myself *not something I am very good at* I am going to find gratitude where I can and allow myself to not be ok when I am not, I encourage whoever might be reading this to do the same. Talk when you need to, if you need anyone to talk to, I am always here and willing to be that safe space.

Stay safe everyone, Be careful and Take Care..